Vote for Kerry, or suffer eternal darnation!
Mood:  irritated

I just saw something on television that, although not surprising, annoyed me anyway.
Apparently, this dipshit minister in North Caroliney (cough! cough!, red state, cough!) kicked nine long-time parishioners out of his "fold" for voting for John Kerry. Apparently, in Acts 2:3, the apostle Paul prayed to John the Baptist asking him to channel the risen Christ to answer whether or not to vote for a future leader, George W. Bush. Hey, maybe that's what Nostradamus was hinting at when he noted the following:

It will come to pass that an ape-like figure will emerge from the darkness, walking hand in hand with stupid-ness. From the mouth of this little chimp will flow sage advice for the criminally insane and the like. Oh yeah, and the CIA killed JFK.

God, people really know how to screw up!

Writing: the creative processes, juices, etc.
Mood:  d'oh
I have several ideas in my head for novels and/or screenplays. I guess my biggest problem is that I really don't necessarily like the writing process or any kind of the self-discipline inherent therein.

I don't use words like 'facetious,' 'paradigm,' or 'ubiquitous'--nor do I like people who do know how to use them and who actually say them. I like having a finished piece of work and saying, "There you go, Mr. Publisher. Please publish this, so the multitudes of book-readin' and movie-watchin' folks can have something new and fresh to talk about at work."

I like new stuff--I'm sick to death of this trend in our country for re-making crap that really wasn't that great in the first place--and messing it up worse! I like originality in my dramas, sci-fi, and comedies.

So, when I come up with new ideas, I tend to go that way. Be original. Write what I know. The problem is, I have to craft a story--the idea is something from the heart, but it takes a long amount of writing to get to the stuff I know or feel. I have to write things like:
Georgia carefully cut each strand of the invasive mop of brunette hair, making sure not to cut too much, lest the client be dissatisfied. Slowly, methodically, her scissor blades severed each silky tress . . .in order to get to the point where Georgia (who is a serial killer) stabs the customer in the throat.

Something that worries me is my penchant (uh oh, big word-hypocrisy) for creating stories based on revenge or psychological problems resulting from extreme loss. I wonder if these ideas are, in some way, a precursor to my own future, or if I'm actually, in some way, weird.

Either way, I guess I'll probably get around to writing one of these and, hopefully, filming an independent version of my screenplay idea (an employee vs. boss revenge film). I don't think it would work as a play, though--too much walking.

I kind of like this blogging medium--it provides me with an outlet for my thoughts and the possible gratification that authors and artists crave from having their works viewed by others.

Elderly Driving Woes
I like old people. I really do. I loved my elderly grandparents, and I find the wisdom of the aged to be invaluable. It always staggers my mind when I hear about some centennarian and the possible treasure of knowledge and experience buried away in the mind of that person. Do I think old people should be allowed to drive--two words: Hell No! (But, of course, I also think some people should be required to have a license to breed) Well, maybe if they pass some barrage of new federally-mandated driving, hearing, sight, and mental aptitude tests, then they can get behind the most dangerous man-made cause of death in the world. Why? Because old people have terrible reflexes, get easily confused, forget who they are (in some cases), can't see very well, can't walk very well, can't hear very well, and sometimes think they're literally back in 1935. Do I mean all old people? No, I mean the ones who fit this--which constitutes a lot. Sometimes, I'll be driving in Portland, and I'll see a car swerving back and forth, nearly knocking over whole bus stops full of people, and notice a little grey head barely poking up above the wheel. This one old lady today, for example, fits the bill. She was trying to drive down a four lane road via the oncoming lane. Cars were veering around her, and she looked totally oblivious to the fact she was countering the legal rules of the road. She looked so confused. Confusion is not a good driving stance.

This is a funny video--I swear! What Old People Do For Fun I know this isn't the most P.C. or coherent rambling-on tirade in the world, but I just wanted to put some of my thoughts about the driving exploits of our aged voters. I bet Bush won't bother addressing any of my concerns--he'd be pissing off the only group in this country who voted for him. They probably think he's Taft or something.

DIY, the BBC, and Fan Films
I kind of hate BBC America. Despite the fact that it is resonsible for introducing me to four of my favorite British and Canadian comedies--Trailer Park Boys, the Irish laugh-fest Father Ted, Ricky Gervais'The Office, and Black Books, it nonetheless deserves just as much scorn for NEVER SHOWING THEM!
Instead, what are we treated to? Non-stop episodes of DIY, reality-based shows like What Not to Wear and Ground Force, and "classics" like Keeping Up Appearances, Benny Hill, and Are You Being Served?
Now, don't get me wrong--the classic comedies were great--but there's other stuff out there that's new and fresh. At least they're playing The Office.
Blah blah, wah wah. I know, get out the little violin.

Someone should remind me at these times that people out there are starving, and then I'd shut up.
For a minute or two at least.

I've been watching a ton of Star Wars fan films lately.
They can be really creative, funny, and inspiring.
Usually, though, they're not well acted.
Oh well, neither was The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones.

Some really amazingly-produced fanfilms are available at theforce.net
Among them are:
Broken Allegiance--this one is one of the greatest.
Star Wars 3: A Lost Hope is a very funny comedic farce (note the Heyden Christiansen character--dead-on!)
Troops (one of the original internet fanfilms and still one of the best) is a hilarious take on the COPS show.

Well, that about does it for this blog--Jason Sipe signing off.

Michael Jackson should be prisoner #4000-34-67
Mood:  irritated
Okay, here's the scenario: I go on the Portland News and tell everyone that I invite young boys to sleep in bed with me. I tell them "It's just sweet. It's innocent."

Right.

I'm in jail the next day, and I go to prison. There, I'll be gang-raped by many other inmates.

So be it for the King of Pop--bet he has some fans in the big house who can't wait to see if he's as cute as he was on the Thriller poster.

Billy Jean is not yo lover, bitch. Bubba is.

Enough said.

Mr. Bean and Trailer Park Boys
I'm obsessed with comedy--the more absurd, it seems, the better. I've been watching a lot of Rowan Atkinson in the Mr. Bean series and, of course, I love the Black Adder series. One of his lesser-known shows (and, albeit, a bit more formulaic) in America is the Thin Blue Line. He is a comic genius, and I think a lot of people will look back at his Bean character as a sort of Buster Keaton-esque classic.

I keep going on and on about the Trailer Park Boys, because it's so friggin' funny. Mike Smith's Bubbles character is nothing short of ball-busting hilarity. Rob Wells' character, Ricky, is smart in his stupidity, and the improvisation reminds me of Reno 911 and the Office. I definitely am attracted to this style of comedy and think most of its genre have been pretty decently done. I've loved all of the Christopher Guest "mockumentaries" (including Spinal Tap), and think he is mostly responsible for bringing the genre to its most apparent popularity as a comic format. Sipe Gallery

Teacher interviews and Michael Jackson
Mood:  vegas lucky
So I'm interivewing for a teaching job. I hate it. I have to pretend I'm someone different--just so I can answer a bunch of canned questions that are so open-ended that it's impossible to finish. I just sort of sum it up with "Well, that's about it--or do you want me to ramble on more?" or "Hope that answers your stupid question." etc.

Needless to say, I'm a better teacher than an interviewee. Kids don't make me near as nervous as potential colleagues and administrators.

Michael Jackson and Hollywood elite

I think it's kind of weird how our justice system doesn't necessarily apply to famous people. Sure, Jackson will sit in "agony" in this courtroom procedure, but then he'll get off because some of the witnesses' characters were less-than-trustworthy (which is why Jackson hired them in the first place), and because he'll just pay off the jury and the accusers. Then, more parents will ship their kids off to him and his Neverland Pedophilia Playhouse.

I think he should go to jail solely on the fact that he arrived late multiple times to his own criminal trial--and in pajamas, no less. He should also go to prison just for being a weird-ass freak.
That should be a crime. Period.

Thinking about him is making me sick.

Resources for Writers
Mood:  a-ok
I really think it would be nice to be a professional writer-- you know, maybe wake up in the morning, brew some delicious coffee, listen to Mozart, and fire up the word processor. Then, I'd take a nap, wake up, refreshed and ready to begin writing. After the phone rings for the third time, I'd have a paragraph like this: "His heart sank. The bees hovered round yon beehut. Martha was egregatious with jealousy at the thought of his heart sinking. Still the bees buzzed. Buzz. Buzz."

etcetera.

Now, I'm not saying that writers live glamourous lives of relative non-working-ness, but, how hard can a job be where you just need to type a bunch of made-up, meaningless words on a screen? Wow, that's hard--push 'print.' Oh my god, my mind is awhirl. So, I'm thinking about this new novel (dumped the whole buzzing bees idea). It's about this woman physicist who gets mixed up in a multi-national attempt to wrestle Sweden's grip on Antarctic ice claims. See, after years of coal dust drifting from eastern Europe to the fiords of Sweden, the glaciers are all sooty, and the Swedes can't find a decent chunk of clear ice--which they use to keep their houses cool during the hot, Swedish summers. Of course, along comes Antarctica, and all the Swedes have decided "Now's our chance." Anyway, this physicist is smart, beautiful (as most female physicists are apt to be), and has the keys to a secret map to the underground antarctic ice caverns.

We'll see what happens.

Blogging -- The Daily Blog
Mood:  vegas lucky
I've been thinking--I guess I need to get "deeper" in my blogs. No more talking about the merits of Trailer Park Boys, or pondering the acting skills of one Chuck Norris. No, I need to make a difference in the lives of the two people who happen upon this superfluous project. In the words of Montaigne, "I'm a French snooty aristocrat, of whose musings everyone through posterity will want to know and analyze and savor." (all in Frenchese, of course)

So, hmm, let me think of something cool and deep. Okay, remember that time when Homer gained a whole bunch of weight to collect disability--no, no, that can't go anywhere NEAR deep. Alright, so this kid in my english class showed me how to set fire to my hand with Aquanet and a lighter. (hey kids, don't try this--unless you plan on having a parole officer in the near future). Anyways, so I look over at him during a lecture, and he's got flames shooting off of his palm. I couldn't believe he thought of it before me! the nerve.

Fine, so I didn't come up with any life-changing advice for the would-be reader of this blog. This is my life--I'm not some pretentious quasi-radical hipster who thinks everyone and his mother should don sackcloth and follow my lead. That's for church.

Trailer Park Boys and Return of the Sith
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Trailer Park boys
First off, I'd like to say that Trailer Park Boys is quite possibly the greatest show on television right now. I can't seem to get enough of it. Had to say that (Trailer Park Boys is in its fifth season, and is a Canadian comedy much in the mockumentary style of BBC's The Office or a Christopher Guest movie). It follows the lives of three trailer park petty criminal loser protagonists: Julian, the "godfather" of Sunnyvale Trailer park, Rick, the hot-tempered uneducated perpetrator of just about everything that happens in the show, and Bubbles, the thick-glasses-wearing shed-livin', sage who always backs up his boys--no matter how idiotic their schemes may seem to him. To sum up this show--it's sort of like South Park meets Spinal Tap. All I can say is, "give it a chance and you'll love this show." Next up, I'm anxious for Star Wars Return of the Sith. Why? Because I want at least one of these goddamned prequels to not suck. Heyden (sp?) Christiansen really blew as Anakin--I thought Luke was a whiny bitch in "A New Hope," and this guy demonstrates the phrase "like father, like son." Waa Waa, my mom's dead. Waa Waa, Obi Wan is mean to me. Cry me a river, pal. I'm supposed to believe that this little whiny pup will be the devastator of the universe?!! Before I start sounding too Trekkie-ish, I better shut up. I'm just hoping this movie makes up for the relative shittyness of the previous two. Oh yeah, check out my website, my own fine art and photography gallery.